


Keeping it together

by stripedraccoon



Series: Worth the pain [1]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Ohno/Nino - Freeform, Smut, Top!Ohno, Unrequited Love, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stripedraccoon/pseuds/stripedraccoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s moments like these that keep Nino sane; it’s moments like these that make him able to keep it together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keeping it together

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what is happening. Usually I don't manage to get more than one fic done in half a year, and now I kind of wrote two fics in one night.  
> Well, I can't say I dislike it.

It is moments like these that keep Nino sane; it is moments like these that make him able to keep it together.

Or so he tells himself—or so he lies to himself time and time again because he cannot resist. The temptation is too strong, the love he feels too big. The desperation, the need too unbearable. He cannot survive without it, and at the same moment he knows it is destroying him, bit by bit.

Until he can’t keep it together anymore.

The hand in his hair hurts. It is pulling more tightly on Nino’s dark, longish hair than necessary, pushing his head forcefully down into Ohno’s crotch every time Nino tries to lift his head, and Nino groans throatily, muffledly into Ohno’s crotch when the older man pushes his cock right back down Nino’s throat, giving him no break.

But Nino doesn’t want a break either. His fingers are trembling slightly, digging into Ohno’s pants-covered thighs, his heart is beating loud and fast in his ears, and all he knows is that he can’t stop. He hears Ohno’s moans and gasps, and each time Nino swallows his rock-hard dick particularly well, Ohno’s grip around Nino’s head would intensify even more, almost pulling hair out.

Nino whines a little because of the pain, but keeps on bobbing his head up and down. He can barely breathe like this and his mouth is full of cock; full of  _Ohno_. Full of Ohno Satoshi, the man he loves so much it hurts.

The salty taste of pre-cum spreads over Nino’s tongue and the younger man trembles excitedly; Ohno thrusts his hips up by now, too, impatiently, his hips jerking uncontrolledly as he is throwing his head back. Nino’s whole face is buried in Ohno’s crotch, or he would be looking up right now, enjoying the view of Ohno’s perfectly sculpted neck and prominent Adam’s apple.

But like this, sitting, tiny as he is, in-between Ohno’s legs and desperately clinging to his thighs for hold—like this, sucking Ohno off while the older man is grabbing his head and outright  _fucking_  his mouth roughly, like he couldn’t care less about Nino himself, he can’t look up. His throat hurts and itches, his scalp is burning, forcing tears into his eyes, and the only thing keeping Nino going is the steady sound of Ohno’s beautiful voice moaning in pleasure, quietly, loudly, deeply, throatily.

He never moans Nino’s name.

Nino is slurping around Ohno’s cock skilfully, lets his tongue twirl around the hard base. Then he pulls back, licking lewdly along the sensitive underside of the cock, up to the dark-pink tip, sucking on it, playing with it until Ohno has enough of the teasing and shoves himself right back down Nino’s throat in one go. Nino gags but controls himself in the last second, and Ohno groans more loudly because the gagging must have felt like heaven to him. Ohno pushes him down more roughly, almost like he is indirectly saying  _do that again, it felt amazing_.

 _It hurt like fuck_ , Nino thinks sadly, but he gags on the cock once more, on purpose this time, whimpering, squeezing his burning eyes shut until he can control his throat again and relaxes.

Ohno’s cellphone rings, and both men freeze for a second.

Fuck.

A million thoughts are running through Nino’s head;  _she is calling too early, she is calling too unexpectedly—why is she calling in the first place? Why now? I’m not losing to you. Do you hear me? I am not losing to you._

Nino bobs his head up and down frantically, his eyes wide, staring into nothing, his throat relaxed, his tongue moving as fast as it can. He is moaning around Ohno’s cock, too, trying to pleasure him as well as his capabilities allow. Up and down, up and down, faster, faster— _I am not losing to you, I am not losing to you_ —

“Shit, Kazu, stop it,” comes a hiss from above and Ohno roughly pulls Nino’s head off, keeping it held up by painfully gripping on a handful of hair while answering the phone. In this position, with Ohno keeping Nino’s head up like this, the older man is forcing him to watch the whole scene, and Nino feels his eyes water. Not from physical pain this time, not from the hurtful grip on his hair, but from heartache. He is breathing hard, too, his lips shining wetly.

“Yes, hello?” Ohno says into the phone, his voice a little rough, and deep—the way Nino likes it the most.

 _I’m losing to you after all, aren’t I_ , he thinks bitterly, and his heart throbs in pain. He looks down at Ohno’s hard-on, wet, glistening with his own saliva. Why is he answering the phone? Why, when he is receiving a blowjob from the person who loves him the most in the whole world? Nino doesn’t understand, and his eyes burn more. But he doesn’t say a word.

“Yes, I’m still with him up here,” Ohno continues speaking, his lips curling into a smile. He looks so genuinely happy, and while one part of Nino thinks that Ohno has the cutest and most kissable lips in the world, he knows he is not the one who kisses them most of times.

“Ah, I’m coming down in a minute, alright? Nino is still playing a game. I’m waiting for him to finish. Yes, just a few minutes. Okay, I can’t wait for you.” Ohno smiles more, his relentless grip on Nino’s hair not faltering the tiniest bit, “I love you too. See you in a sec.”

The moment Ohno has hung up, he is pushing Nino’s face down into his lap again immediately, groaning darkly when Nino parts his lips for Ohno’s cock out of reflex, taking it all in, sucking. His heart is breaking just a little more, but he is used to the dull, paralysing pain.

He is not used to hearing and watching Ohno phone with his girlfriend, though, but seeing and hearing what he knows already shouldn’t make a difference anyway, right?

Nino’s short fingers dig into Ohno’s thighs more tightly, and he continues moving his head, up and down, frantically.

“Hurry,” Ohno whispers, and Nino nods his head, “I didn’t… hnn… know she’d come over so early,” he continues, swallowing as he obviously has a hard time speaking, “Or I would have started earlier…”

Nino doesn’t react to it; he can’t speak anyway, and, really, what is he supposed to say?

Ohno seems not to expect a reaction either, and when he forcefully pushes Nino down to swallow his cock up to the root, making the younger man gag desperately, he climaxes, releasing all of his cum deep down into Nino’s throat and fucking his mouth just a little longer, riding out his orgasm fully until he is spent and breathing shallowly, leaning back into the couch exhaustedly.

The pain in Nino’s throat is familiar when he pulls back and automatically licks Ohno’s dick clean before he carefully puts it back into the other man’s pants, zipping up, coughing a bit from the rough treatment his throat has just gone through.

When he looks up, the view of Ohno is absolutely beautiful: His eyes are closed, the slightest of layers of sweat covering his face, and he is breathing fast, trying to recover. Nino just stares at him, silently, not moving, taking it all in. He tries to  _breathe_  it in, to burn this view into his mind. He will wank off to it later, after all, imagining Ohno is all his—imagining this is a view made for Nino and Nino alone, belonging to him and no one else.

Ohno opens his eyes but before he can say anything, Nino has got up on slightly shaky legs and bends forward, brushing their lips together. Kiss him, just once. He wants to make out with Ohno so badly, wants to show him there is so much love for Ohno in his body that he can barely control it. He wants to pour all of his feelings into a kiss with Ohno, and a small part of him hopes Ohno would suddenly  _see;_  suddenly  _understand_  what he means to Nino and  _how much_  Nino craves for him. How much he feels for him, how much he just wants to  _be_  with him—

Ohno turns away almost immediately at the barest touch, and grasps Nino by the shoulders, leading him to sit down next to him on the couch.

“Don’t,” he says quietly, “I don’t want to taste myself.”

Nino can only nod, his eyes empty as he stares into his own lap, seeing nothing.

He feels a bit embarrassed, sitting like this next to Ohno, still all flushed, a huge bulge in his own pants. He knows Ohno won’t do anything about this now. He doesn’t do anything about it very often in the first place.

But what does Nino expect? It is  _him_  who had become  _this_  pathetic and desperate— _him_  who had dropped to his knees back then, for the first time, just starting to give Ohno head. Ohno had never promised to give anything in return, and both of them know it.

“Thanks,” Ohno speaks up again and gets up, wiping over his face with his sleeve once. “See you Wednesday? For practice?”

“Yeah,” Nino nods. His voice sounds rough and at the same time Nino feels like he is hearing someone else speak. He just feels so empty right now.

Ohno smiles and nods back, and then he takes his leave.

 _Have a nice day with her_ , Nino wants to say, but he doesn’t because he wouldn’t really mean it.

 _Spend your day with me instead_ , he wants to say, but he doesn’t because it is selfish.

 _Why don’t you love me?_ , he wants to ask, but he doesn't because he is too afraid of the answer.

“Bye,” he says instead, but Ohno is already closing the door without a response.

Nino knows if he gets up now and looks out of his bedroom window, he can see down into the street. He could probably watch Ohno and his girlfriend walk away hand in hand. She would say silly things, and he would look down to her, laughing, squeezing her hand. His face would say  _I love you_.

Instead, Nino curls up on the couch, shaking violently, tears still burning in his eyes. He tries to fight them off, but it only semi-works.

“Come back, please,” he whispers brokenly into the emptiness of his apartment.

He loses to her, every single time he tries to fight for his love. And yet he knows he needs this; knows he needs Satoshi close, needs to show his love to this man, even if it is hopeless.

Even if it is destroying him bit by bit, it is the only way to keep him sane; it is the only way to make him able to keep it together.

Until he can’t keep it together anymore.


End file.
